Generation Exhausted

Is anyone else exhausted?

I turned 30 in August. Don’t get me wrong - I love being single at 30. Truly. I have become the person I’ve wanted to be for years. I’m making 5 year old me proud. I’m so thankful that I’ve had the experience that so many of my friends have not - navigating life on my own as a fully formed person. Discovering who I am and what I love without anyone else’s input.

I’m building a career that I’m proud of. I can rely on myself - truly rely on myself. I pay all of my own bills. I dug myself out of $15K of credit card debt this year. This summer I’ll move into my dream apartment. I am the first generation of women in my family to have the privilege of living alone. I read and I write and I dance when no one’s around. I romanticize my life. I take myself on dates. I feel the most girly, feminine, and empowered I’ve ever felt. I’m becoming the hottest version of myself. I take so, so much pride in providing for myself.

Yet, I’m effing tired. Tired of hyping myself up on the hard days. Tired of telling myself, “it’s okay, Kayla” or “I’m so proud of you, Kayla.” Tired of striving all on my own. Tired of setting the boundary for myself. And then setting the boundary again. And then setting the boundary again. Tired of fighting for room in shared spaces that should feel safe. Tired of being the one to think ahead because, well, there’s no one else to.

In a world where women are the most independent we’ve ever been, are we becoming generation exhausted? There’s so much discourse online around hating men. This is a PSA: we need good men.

Guys: we need you!

I’m so freaking excited to feel safe enough to not plan ahead. To be able to come home and say “today sucked.” To be greeted with a hug. To be able to rely on the hug. To plan the big trip and to split the hotel bill. To have a hot meal cooked for me after a long day. To be asked - genuinely asked - how the big meeting went. To field follow up questions - genuine follow up questions.

So, ya - I am so freaking proud of myself. And yet, I can’t wait for the day that I can stop being everything all of the time.